Kenneth W Daniels
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To speak out or not to speak out; adventures in France

3/4/2012

 
Several years ago, before I completed my book, a Christian friend challenged me, asking (rhetorically) why I should tell the whole world why I no longer believe. In response to her query, I explained my rationale in the section entitled, “My Purpose for Writing” in chapter 1 of my book. Unless my memory fails me, no one has revisited this question since I published my book in 2009 until a couple of weeks ago, since which time no fewer than three different believers have asked me why I publicly question the Christian faith.

My readers may be acquainted with one of these three calls for me to desist in the followup discussion to Mr. Rob Robinson’s critical review of my book.

Another of these calls came from a good longtime friend, responding to my post entitled, “Do all things work together for our good?” He expressed concern that I was being overly critical of Christians and wondered why I should continue to oppose Christianity, given all the good that Christians do.

The third challenge came in an e-mail today from a friend of my father’s. This individual very gently wondered how I could continue to publicize my views without jeopardizing my relationship with my wife and family.

This spate of challenges has led me to do a little introspection. Am I out of line? Should I, as Mr. Robinson enjoined me to do, just slip away gently and avoid slandering the name of Jesus any further? Should I refrain from criticizing Christianity as my longtime friend advised me, knowing that Christians engage in many constructive acts of compassion throughout the world? Should I silence myself in the interest of preserving greater harmony with my wife and family?

I did tell my longtime friend I would aim to balance my blog posts to include less criticism of Christianity and more topics of interest to those who are struggling to live out their post-deconversion lives, which in any case is the primary reason I decided to maintain a blog. But I told him that I would not refrain from criticism of Christianity and Christians when I feel criticism is especially warranted, just as Christian leaders like Falwell, Dobson, and Colson have not refrained from criticism of secularism. Though I disagree with many of their positions, I fully recognize their prerogative to express their views, and I would hope that those who disagree with me will recognize the right of us unbelievers to express ours. Is it more honorable for Colson to critique humanism than for me to critique Christianity? What if his worldview, as sincerely as he might hold it, is fundamentally mistaken, as I believe it to be? Should all of us muzzle ourselves out of deference to the sensibilities of believers (who think themselves to be in the right), even if we think ourselves instead to be in the right? Without invoking some form of exceptionalism, I fail to see any grounds for asking unbelievers to be less vocal than believers in disseminating their views.

As for Mr. Robinson’s call for me to slip away quietly to avoid slandering Jesus any more than I’ve already done, I have responded to him as much as (or more than) I feel is productive. It is not my intent to slander anyone, but recognizing that Jesus did not return when he (or New Testament writers) said he would is not slander; it’s a simple recognition of what happened. That publicizing such a recognition should disturb anyone is regrettable, and I would prefer not to offend anyone, but this consideration should not be a reason to suppress the truth. If there are Christians who disagree with my conclusions, I’m glad to discuss these matters in a civil manner, but there’s no need to accuse me of slander until it can be demonstrated that I’m in fact guilty of it.

Of the three recent challenges I’ve received, my father’s friend’s gentle prodding about how my writing affects my family hit closest to home. I am extremely fortunate that my wife has been so accommodating to me. But not wanting to take anything for granted, I spoke with her this afternoon, assuring her that I would quit writing in a heartbeat if she felt that my activities were driving a wedge between us. I have not done anything in secret; she has read many of my posts and responses to those posts, and though she disagrees with much of what I say, she appreciates the general tone and clarity of my writing. She allows for the possibility that I’m helping some individuals to be less jaded about their experience than they might otherwise might be, so she wants me to feel free to continue. Did I mention I have a wonderful wife? However, if I had a crystal ball, and if I could see that my activities were going to drive us apart in the end, this would be my final post. Absent such a revelation, I will continue to write to support those who are passing through or have passed through the tumultuous process of deconversion. Why? Because I know how hard the process is, compounded by the well-meaning but hurtful reactions of believers who don’t understand what it’s like to want to believe but are nonetheless unable to believe. Believers, until you’re surrounded by people who think you’re worthy of hell, you cannot understand what motivates us unbelievers to speak out and oppose without flinching the doctrine of eternal damnation (which, like other religious doctrines, we consider to be man-made).

In the interest of lightening up my blog posts (which I feel have been overly heavy recently), I’ve decided to dig up some of our experiences as missionaries and to share them with my readers as a glimpse into our past lives. In this installment, I’ll include excerpts from an e-mail update we sent out to friends and family from France in the summer of 1996. We had recently completed our year of French study in Belgium in June and would have moved on to Africa immediately from there if it hadn’t been for our (well, Charlene’s) pregnancy with our second son, due in August 1996. To bridge the time over the summer, I accepted a position teaching linguistics at a Wycliffe Bible Translator-affiliated linguistic institute housed in a Bible school north of Paris. Here’s part of the e-mail update from July 8, shortly after our arrival at the Bible school, including the adventures of making a train connection from Brussels to Paris to Senlis (25 miles north of Paris) with me carrying our 18-month old son David in a pouch on my belly while Charlene was seven months pregnant with our second son:

--------------------------
DATE:             7/8/96 11:06 PM
Re: Daniels' Monthly Update - July 1996

  THE ADVENTURESOME TRIP (Written by Charlene)   I'll try to make the long story of our trip short.  A friend from church drove us to the train station [in Brussels], but because we were a little late and there was a traffic jam right near the station, we only made it on the train with less than one minute to spare!!!!  That was WAY too close for comfort, but we sure are thankful that someone was obviously praying for us at that time since otherwise I'm sure we would have missed it.

In Paris we had to catch another local train but had problems getting our stuff through a narrow ticketed entry-way (the elevator was out of order) and when we finally got the help of three employees, that train was about to leave as well.  Ken jumped on the train with David and a few bags, but the train doors automatically closed behind him, leaving me behind with 2/3rds of the baggage!!  With the help of several "angels" along the way, I was able to make it finally to our destination on another train without losing too much time [maybe 40 minutes].  I thank God that I could feel His presence and wasn't really upset by the enforced "adventure".  I was, though, very glad to see Ken's face and soon after to arrive at our castle [yes, the Bible school was housed in an actual castle!] here in Lamorlaye, 20 miles north of Paris.  It turned out that Ken didn’t have his ticket on the leg when he was alone with David, so he had to convince the conductors that he had actually bought one and that it had been left behind.  Thankfully they eventually believed him and he didn’t have to pay a penalty!

  PHONETICS CLASS (Written by Ken)   With God’s help I’ve made it through my first week of teaching!  It’s been three years since I’ve studied phonetics, so I have to work with another teacher to relearn each day what I’ve forgotten.  With three hours of teaching daily and the rest of the working day filled with preparation, I was next to exhaustion this past week, but I’ve been able to get a lot of good rest this weekend.  All the students in my class are Scandinavians--3 Norwegians, a Finn, and a Dane.  Since they’re all non-native speakers of French headed for missionary work in Africa, I feel less self-conscious about my French than if they were native speakers.  So far classes have gone reasonably well, apart from my first hour when I was disorganized with papers scattered everywhere!

 THE PEOPLE HERE (Written by Charlene)   There are some 50 students and staff and though a good number of them know English, we do speak in French almost all the time we are out of our room and it's been great!  There are about 10 Francophone students, 10 other Europeans, 5 Africans, and 2 Asians.  We're making friends and even found another couple who are going to Emmaus Bible Institute in Switzerland in the fall like us!  God is good.  We plan to be here until September 6, then we’ll spend 5 days in Belgium before heading to Switzerland September 11.


Thanks to those of you who are continuing to pray for us.  If you have questions or just want to drop us a line, we’re no more than a few keyclicks away.

Love,

Ken & Char Daniels 
-------------------------- 
... Zoe ~
3/4/2012 10:15:52 pm

Thank you for speaking out.

Mary
3/4/2012 11:32:58 pm

I had read your deconversion story on the infidels site, however, this weekend I bought your book and have been reading it every free minute I could. Thank you so much for writing your blog and your book. Your respectful writing makes it so worth reading. Glad you will continue to write and encourage us who have or who are deconverting. I especially liked the section on hell. I remember a few years ago asking how it could be possible that my mom and dad who I had prayed for for years could be going to hell when they were such good people. My dad help native people with their income taxes and was always there to answer their questions. Good to know there is no such thing as heaven or hell.

Holly
3/5/2012 12:27:35 am

Hi Ken!
I too would like you to speak out but always think of your family and how they might feel. Your wife truly is amazing. In my family we have mostly stopped speaking about anything related to religion. They have gotten very upset about things I've posted on fb and for me it's not worth it. If I must post, I exclude them. I don't pretend to be a Christian, but I'm pretty sure many people would not speak to me if I did what you do. I really admire your courage and your entire family, for that matter, for how you handle this. I'm betting uour wife gets her fair share of inquiries on how she can stand it. You both seem like amazing people.

Colin Murphy
3/9/2012 01:18:00 pm

Hi, Ken:
This is a fascinating and timely post for me. Being a semi-closeted but gradually coming-out atheist I struggle with the desire to share my views versus the potential wedge do so might drive between me and my wife. I empathize with your dilemma.
Here are my thoughts.
Given that beliefs, by definition, are propositions at we think are true, what we observe in the real world is that most of us feel justified in holding to our beliefs so long as they are playing an instrumental role in fulfilling other desires. For example, if I desire deep relationships with other people, and if a belief in a god gives me access to a community of other believers that fulfill that desire, why question those beliefs? In the case of religion I believe that there is actually an argument to be made that even if those beliefs are false, they do inspire a great many people to do good and help others all in god’s name and for his sake. Given that fact, then as long as those beliefs—true or false—don’t cause anyone to act in a way that prevents others from fulfilling their desires, why should we care what anyone else believes?
The answer is because that false beliefs result in a great many unfulfilled and thwarted desires. Not only do they cause a person to act in ways that harm others, but they give the false impression that our own desires are being fulfilled when in fact they are not.
For example, eternal life sounds great! I’m all for it. Yet, if I desire eternal life and choose to believe religious propositions as way of obtaining it, I will eventually die and no longer exist. I will have wasted hours of my life in church and performing rituals. Yet my desire for eternal life will go unfulfilled. It would have been better to have either devoted my life to science and study ways to extend life or to have realized that eternal life is not yet (if ever) possible and replace the desire for eternal life with another desire.
Furthermore, what better way is there to thwart the desires of another person than to strap a bomb to your back and blow them to smithereens because you believe that god told you to do it? In my view false beliefs thwart many more desires than they fulfill. Not only do they cause a person to act in ways that harm others, but they give the false impression that our own desires are being fulfilled when in fact they are not.
So yes, you have very good reasons for doing what you do. Promoting true beliefs will lead to many more fulfilled desires and a much better world. It is the right thing to do and the moral thing to do. Of course you cannot make someone adopt true beliefs but you can “plant the seed.” My guess is that your wife also believes in the efficacy of seeking out true belief, too, which is why she hasn’t asked you to stop.

Ken Daniels
3/11/2012 08:15:56 am

Thanks for your thoughtful response, Colin. It reminded me of my my neglect to mention an important reason for speaking an unpopular truth (in addition to those you mentioned), namely, the value of honestly aligning our beliefs with reality. If I were hiring employees for NASA to work on the design and testing of various components of a spacecraft, I would seek out someone who would not shrink from pointing out flaws wherever they might exist. In other words, I would want someone who is honest, rather than someone who is "loyal" to the team, to be responsible for identifying and blowing the whistle on problems like a malfunctioning "O" ring. Because in the long run, those who are loyal to the truth are in fact loyal to the team, even if in the short term it just seems they're being disloyal gadflies. I think the analogy speaks for itself.


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    Author

    Kenneth W. Daniels (1968-), son of evangelical missionaries, is the author of Why I Believed: Reflections of a Former Missionary. He grew up in Africa and returned as an adult to serve with Wycliffe Bible Translators in Niger on the edge of the Sahara Desert. While studying the Bible on the mission field, he came to doubt the message he had traveled across the world to bring to a nomadic camel-herding ethnic group. Though he lost his faith and as a result left Africa in 2000, he remains part of a conservative Christian family. He currently resides with his wife and three children in suburban Dallas, TX, where he works as a software developer.

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